Sunday, April 8, 2012


Every first Saturday of each month, my town has a themed street festival. Most shops stay open later than usual and restaurants are packed full of locals and tourists alike. Since I moved downtown, I haven't attended a single one of them.

I didn't really understand why. I mean, all I have to do is walk a couple blocks and I am there. I do that walk all the time but for some reason, the idea of walking down there during any "event" just paralyzes me.

It's not the walk itself of course. It's the idea of wandering through large groups of friends and families stretched the width of the sidewalk. Of negotiating past lovers holding hands and laughing together, young parents pushing strollers and keeping toddlers entertained.

This morning, I realized I haven't left my house since Friday afternoon. I've just hung out, reading my library books and cooking meals for one. I'm getting much better at being alone but sometimes, the loneliness can be crushing. Still, I'd rather be lonely and alone than lonely living with someone who ignores me. There is always that.