Sunday, July 10, 2011


Most days I feel pretty confident in my ability to move on with my life as an almost single woman. Then there are days like today, hot and muggy and the lethargy is high. I have been trying to walk everyday (I even wrote a post about it over there, the first post I have written in about a year and it felt good to write it), mostly in the mornings before it gets too hot. Even if I only go for a half an hour, it's a goal of mine to do it. It's easy to do because I live so close to everything in downtown Frederick now. I can walk to work and to the store if I don't have too much to carry in my back pack. This morning I was lazy and waited too long before it was too unbearably hot to walk anywhere but I forced myself to get up and shower and get out of the house by walking a few blocks to try my new neighborhood's nail salon. I didn't really need a pedicure just yet but I could sense that it would otherwise be a day which could easily find me as a shut-in. It's lonelier in the city.

The last time I was single, I was twenty years old. In two months I will be 49. People look at me and tell me how lucky I am that I am still young as I start over. Then why do I feel so old? Why do I feel like being single is for people who are way younger than me? The decisions that I have had to make to get me to this (almost) single state are ones that I can't change and wouldn't want to anyways. There is a point, a line that gets crossed that can't be uncrossed and so that can not happen. Still, nothing has prepared me for this state of singleness.

Tonight, I forced myself to take that longer walk and I set off for downtown, knowing full well that most places close early on Sunday but I took my wallet just in case I got the urge to be one of those single ladies sitting at the bar. Gah, but that is uncomfortable even to read! I ended up just doing a 35-minute loop and heading back home.

Baby steps...

1 comment:

  1. Liz, I always felt older than I was and was somewhat depressed about it.I can remember feeling old and like I had wasted my life when I was 25 years old. Of course now being 60 and widowed I feel that way more than ever. People tell me all the time I am still young and need to feel that way. You at 49 are still so very young and have so much to offer.You have been through a tough time,but you are free now to start living again! Glad you are writing again! Love Mike