I've been obsessed with the Heron nest cam at the Cornell Lab of Ornithology. For many weeks now, I haven't been able to get enough of those birds. I got to see the 4th egg laid and the 5th egg hatch. I've watched the videos of the owl attacks and my heart raced even though I knew everyone was OK well in advance of watching it.
It's pretty sweet, seeing how the Great Blue Heron couple works as a team, taking care of first the eggs and now the chicks. It's been unseasonably hot in NY this week and the way the parents stand over the chicks in the path of the sun, shielding them from the heat from the sun is just so sweet.
So, this time of year is weird. I want to plan and plant but I can't. So what did I do instead? I signed up for a Tough Mudder. (noisy site so be warned.) I know. Insanity. I've started training and changed the way I eat and am working with an acupuncturist and a chiropractor to alleviate the chronic issues from stress that have manifested as pain in my body. The Tough Mudder is 5 days before I turn 50. I think it's safe to say that this is going to be a life changing event. It's going to be 10X more Roar-worthy than other things I have done and I intend to take it very seriously. If nothing else, it's a fund raiser for the Wounded Warriors. Which? How can you find fault in that?
In other news:
I have daughter #1 back home. She is on the job hunt, or will be eventually after globe trotting all over the place getting re-acquainted with her old, non-army friends.
Daughter #2 just finished her first year of college and has a job at a restaurant on the Eastern Shore and loving her 3 kittens that her cat had. If she knew this site existed, I'd say "fix those cats, A!"
As for me, I'm even more aware how women need to be there for each other. I fucked up this week and let some people down. People that I care deeply about and all I can do is hope they forgive me. Thankfully I have made some good friendships with women and one in particular reassured me, after I told her the whole story tonight, that I didn't do anything so terrible that it can't be repaired. I thought so too, but time will tell. I hate feeling like this. I don't like feeling like I let people down. But until they talk to me, I won't know exactly how much damage I have done.